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The “Please Stop Doing That” List

There is enough awfulness in the world. Don't even bother to turn on the news or check your phone. I guarantee you will find enough news in there to bury yourself in ball full of blankets, cry dramatically, and start googling pictures of dogs walking with booties on. So I get really bananas when people… Continue reading The “Please Stop Doing That” List

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In Sickness & In Hell. Ahem, Health.

"I came in with a spray bottle of hospital grade disinfectant and sprayed every door handle, knob, sink, and any other nonporous surface I could find. I vinegared the shit out of the couch cushions just in case."

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Day 3 of my diet. I hate everybody.

So you decided to be like every other person in America and say "This is the year I lose weight! I will finally fit into those size -14 pants that I saw a 7 year old wearing!"ย  Good for you. That's awesome. Everyone loves a New Years resolution. Or eight. I jumped on that bandwagon… Continue reading Day 3 of my diet. I hate everybody.

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Don’t gift for the sake of gifting.

Every year I end up going to the store at the last-minute or frantically searching on Amazon for a gift...just to get a gift. On Thanksgiving, my brother-in-law approached us with some true honesty. "Let's buy gifts for the kids but not each other this year. I don't want gifts that don't have meaning and… Continue reading Don’t gift for the sake of gifting.

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Embrace the Stretchy Pants

It's almost here, folks. The most magical time of the year where dreams come true. Where fantasies come alive and everything is good in your life. Where Grandmas get drunk, kids pass out, and alcohol-induced rants by your Uncle Bob make fireside chat for years to come. No, this isn't about Christmas/Chanukah/Mawlid an Nabi/Yule/whichever religion… Continue reading Embrace the Stretchy Pants